April 2017

4 04 2017

April 2
At last, all the trees in bloom!! Simply being alive is a joy when spring unfolds. ( April is the cruelest month?) Today will be the last day for play and housekeeping catch for a while. I have a busy schedual ahead.
Been recieving some vauge shut up or else threats lately from unexpected people, but i know the source , and it’s someone with a long standing problem so It doesn’t get to my soul.
Sometimes it seems like you cant even have a friendly conversation with dudes around here . . and they immediately go into “i’ve had enough of your . . whatever’ rampage . . . That’s O.K>
U tube keeps me company. And the peeps i work with.

April 4

Argh. Darrelll hasn’t paid his rent or power.  . He was behind so i wrote out a money order for him . . . he says he’s not going to use it.  It’s only the 4th and already everything has been spent on weed and gambling.  Enough is enough.  I know his family members are coming out and if they find his life in the toilet they will be pissed at me, but, I need to shut all doors now.  Not even a handout.

April 5th

Pay day!! I am made happy again . . it really does not take so much . . only the basics .

Darrell paid his rent and got back on track. yeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhh.  Alright.    I switched over to unlimited data on my tablet and put in a few apps for Darrell and let him have it for a while .  now he is in a much happier mood, watching netflicks, listening to Van Morrison, doing Facebutt, playing casino games.  Every once in a while I get a Eureka moment and solve a problem.  Then, what seemed so impossible, so insurmountable suddenly seems so easy . . why did i not think of it, why didn’t i just do this or that . . right in front of me.  The tablet will entertain him at home. God knows I loved that thing . . endless hours of u tube in the wee hours, forbidden history and archeology and all that speculative theory and conspracy menu . . .Anything was endurable, as long as I had my tablet to come home to at night.   well, I needed to take a break anyway.  It was taking precendence over my relationships, personal and social.

Time to do outdoors stuff.  Bike. Read.  Listen to music more.  Get out and photograph.

4-7

I DUNNO.  Has the odor of a false flag to me.

https://sott.net/en317361

https://t.co/uuYJEKrlPa

http://wp.me/pFTDT-4E0

4-13

The whole thing with Assad dropping chemical weapons on his own people . . . it’s like a re run of the Neo Con propaganda about Saddam Hussein.  I researched it a bit last night and some pretty credible journalists were saying it was most likely a Saudi/ Isreali action.

At anyrate, it has false flag written all over it.

Haven’t had a day off for a while now.  Tired.  Had some really fun days at work this week . . and one really awfull one.

I guess one of the stores here bought some of Darrell’s cards and he made an art deal at Tribal images as well.  Good to see him doing that again.  I remembered how we used to go around to the co ops and gift stores putting his cards out.  i was reminded of it yesterday at the Bellingham market . . .I was looking through a rack of homemade cards by local artists and recognized the work of someone I knew.  I thought back to years ago when we were doing that.  It gave me the strangest feeling.  As if who we really were had been overlain with layer apon layer of crud totally obscuring the light of what we were about. . . . our essential energy.  I did a lot once to gain him recognition as an artist.  I believed in him despite everything, even when he was down and out, even when he was spreading all that delusional rage and payback stuff. ( which became THE TRUTH and is still a reoccuring social problem)  .  It took a lot for that light to go out.  Mostly it was the social justice movements that put it out . . because they needed me to be ‘the enimy’.

I could hear the joy and excitement in his voice at these sales when he told me about his day.

I had a great afternoon sunday with Edward and our clients.  Ed and I were chatting it up non stop. I haven’t had such a good time in a long long while.

4-14-17

A few minutes.  Turned the tablet back over to Darrell after a couple of days of reclaiming it.  i get too addicted anyway.  So much to catch up on . . started listening to Icke.  Years ago he was a figure of ridicule, especially about the reptilian stuff but people are listening a bit more now with a solemn mind.

 

4-17-

Really sad today. Really sad.  Darrell had a mini siezure and almost fell into a pot of hot oil on the stove. I caught him and held him up untill he got controll and stopped shaking.  How close he came to a mjor tragety . . major 3rd degree burns.  Still he would not let me take him to the emergency room and refuses to see a doctor.  I feel his time is short, and for the rest of the evening he was the most precious to me.  But he picked a fight in the morning . . of course he said i did . . .and pushed the wrong buttons, or one button too many and i believe we are not even a limited team any more. I am really alone now, but perhaps i have been for a long, long time.  Im getting tough with people who play head games . . my folks  too.  It’s ruined my life. Confronted Dad this morning.  Everyone shedding tears this morning I bet.  I got one more person I need to shut out of my life.  Then, i can restore something of mine.  Everyone warns me that Darrell will wage a campaign . . perhaps he already is doing so  if what Im seeing is true . . .get everyone hating on me when his money is cut off.  SO i need to toughen up.  No sentimentality . . .it will weaken me. I may or may not have anything ahead of me.  But at least I will die on my own terms, not under the thumb of people playing bullshit games with me.

4-21

Some one stold all of my clothes out of the laundry room last night, all of them, even the wet ones . . . O>K>, I forgot them for a couple of hours and some one might have got pissed off and decided to ‘teach a lesson’ to who ever was holding up other’s laundry  or it could have been a specifically hostile act . . . .been picking up on some negative energy this week, even in the grocery store.  Maybe ive been sipping a bit too much wine in the evenings, since Darrell and I had arguement . . . it’s been traumatic. it tends to make me fall asleep right away . . . wow.  Its unbelievable how quickly people rush to judgement.  Like they can’t wait for a reason to ‘retaliate’ and put me down.  Fortunetly it was mostly winter clothing, sweat clothes and sweaters and a lot of socks . . and my favorite jeans darn it, we’re moving into spring now and i have plenty of spring capris and light tops to carry me over.  It began as such a restorative day too . . . I bought a bike, went for a swim, took a long bike ride after i finished with Joan,  even went to Fred Meyer and got some new jeans and shoes.  Made a good pot roast and tried to restore some communication with Darrell, he was planning on coming over . . . but I nodded off . . missed the dinner and lost my laundry too.

Saturday

Woke up to a flat tire.  Figures.  Did the market but rain and gusts shut it down for me before I could make a sale.  Good to get out though.  Spent the rest of the day cleaning up my place and making some stew.  Now i relax.  Very sad still.