late april

25 04 2014

Woke up feeling good this morning. I’ll go for a swim. I have my energy back. It is so lovely out today, despite the moodiness of rain clouds. I’ve picked out some tunes to memorize and want to spend my afternoon playing music. I’m pretty rusty. perhaps I’ll go out to the garden area and play.
i think ‘Rights of Man’. would be a good one to start with, it’s a classic but my guitarist probably wouldn’t be interested in that shit.

Wednesday (posts from the past few days)
A “red alert” posted on YouTube claims that hundreds of law enforcement agents are now staging en masse at hotels within the city, possibly to raid the Bundy Ranch on short notice
LAS VEGAS (INTELLIHUB) — According to a video posted on YouTube by FreedomFighters2127, an unidentified law enforcement officer leaked critical information to someone known only as “J”, warning that at least 140 agents are now staging en masse throughout different hotels within the city.
According to the video, “[…] there are more agents than can be counted.”
In fact, an excerpt posted on describes the scene, pointing out how “hotels are being filled with Federal Agents, Rangers and FBI arriving in unmarked vehicles. Most of the vehicles are white, some are black. They are being parked in secure areas and are under lock and key and some are in back parking as well. So no one can nosing around. Never mind those who may be flying in. They’re obviously building up for something.”

I note too the Cowboy and Indian alliance on the Keystone pipeline . . .now that is a fearsome coalition, if it lasts.

Most of the Plains Indians I know, or listen to have some bad things to say about
the way cowboys treat them in Wyoming and Nebraska . . but obviously, not all people.
Westerners have more in common, there’s a shared understanding and a shared past . . I see it out here, and when that’s tapped . . for better or worse . . .it has the potential to be powerful.

Well Bundy as hero didn’t last very long, the ass put his foot in his mouth about Negros and slavery . . . I know what he’s talking about when it comes to boredom and the breakdown of initiative under dependence. I see it all the time here. me, personally, I can handle free time, find lots of things to do . . but many don’t. But The speculation on the good old days of slavery as a perhaps better form of dependency was down right asinine. Yup, he blew it.
Something about the way he just happened to bring up blacks and slavery sounds fishy however . . funny how everyone just happens to bring up blacks and slavery. It sounds so . . well, typical left smear . No one i know every talks about slavery.Oh . . . I forgot . . . Sarah Palin and Martin Beshir. Beshir suggested that Palins remarks about economic slavery were worthy of the punishment dealt out by a slave owner who had
his slaves defacate in the mouth of errant slaves. And he got a huge response . . i read the comments. A surprising amount of people agreed, the comments were awash with ugly hate. I wonder if the same treatment is to be suggested for Mr. Bundy? The response is somewhat tepid by comparison . . oh well, an old white man.

Wondering how the cowboy and Indian coalition is doing . . .we had a lot of fun this morning imagining over breakfast the scene at the white house . . .cattle ( Bundy’s confiscated??) running through the white house lawn, knocking down tipis and pots of baked beans. How long before some one insults some one. If Bundy is any indication, not long.

jeeeeeeez it is hard NOT to write about you know who. If I don’t write about ME, (narcissism) and writing about others is ‘attack’, and writing about Darrell isn’t fair to Darrell when he is trying to better himself ( unless I write about how he is blossoming?) what direction do i follow? Is it necessary? perhaps just put privacy filters on journaling as i did for many years . . that gives me more freedom, but it also means that only hackers can access it, or the government, or people in entertainment and media . . that’s what happened before. I ended up writing for THEM. But self editing, with self-preservation in mind, or consideration of others , or things of social importance makes current transparency a sham any way. I’m not a stupid person, what ever may be said of me. Ive lost friends when they discovered this, but if i talk about anything to close to the bone the media will always make mockery of me and find a receptive audience, and always, always win on the propaganda level.The real question is how much do i value the well-being of Darrell(and myself)? enough to give the ego of self-expression an exit? When i was writing, for free, for THEM, in private (hacked) journals I became hooked, now it is dangerous . . .but I have been hooked, trained in a sense to do exactly what is causing me trouble now . . I just wasn’t supposed to be doing it by my own rules. How strong am I? Am i strong enough to forget the way i have been interpreted over the years and find private happiness anyway? That means letting it all go. And that takes a stronger person than one might imagine.
it is even harder to let go of the habit of writing about Darrell, whatever the fall out. He is making an amazing journey right now into greater spirituality and clarity and away from the evils of the past . . .I see so much transformation. We even are talking about jamming together when he gets his guitar. That’s a far cry from where we were. After a year or so of writing about pain, the enormous pain I was going through as i watched our world break apart ( and me) and restructure the things that are happening are so hopeful. His attitude to towards me too has changed, is much gentler, less destructive . . . most of the time. he sees me now as a good woman. Is it time to move on? Just accept what has happened, fair or not fair. it is a spiritual journey, and not always easy and part of that is letting go of what the ego has tried to create . . or record. I know in my heart it has been a powerful story even if others do not. is it important if others do not? If it ends with Karen and Darrell playing a clumsy duet on fiddle and guitar on utube so be it. I can’t influence the spiritual journeys of others if they choose deception. But i can try to follow it in myself.

Woke up feeling good this morning. I’ll go for a swim. I have my energy back. It is so lovely out today, despite the moodiness of rain clouds. I’ve picked out some tunes to memorize and want to spend my afternoon playing music. I’m pretty rusty. perhaps I’ll go out to the garden area and play.
i think ‘Rights of Man’. would be a good one to start with, it’s a classic but my guitarist probably wouldn’t be interested in that shit.

This is the hot issue in Berllingham right now;

Well there’s a whole lot of insight I could share on W.W.U politics and the rising tide of right wing ‘rebellion’ . . . but Im going to skip this one.
regarding the posters about white genocide posted on campus (in response to The presidents diversity goals) a student remarked , on the news last night that they weren’t going to let the words of a white racist stop them.

Its going to be in the high 70s today, sunny and i have every intention of spending it outdoors, perhaps a bike ride on marine drive. Feeling good and enjoying life today.
Well there’s more controversy on the topic of race ( or rather race baiting) and bigotry on cable news this week . . the Sterling controversy.
Clearly the guy was set up by his girl friend when he told her to quit hanging out with blacks. She got him good.
The level to which this kind of thing is played in America is terrifying, and immoral.
Lots of guys talk like this to their women about one group or another, not just about blacks. . all my boyfriends did at some point, including Darrell. Especially him. Not just white guys . Non whites give this kind of advice too . . often about hanging out with whites, especially white girls. it’s commen . . perhaps because its so primal , it reaches into our hard wiring , our instintual urge to reproduce our genes. At any rate , the kind of massive punishment the guy is recieving seems to me to be a fear inspiring tactics . . this can happen to you, big brother has eyes everywhere, even your own home. Which in fact they do. And this card is being played for a reason.
Southern poverty law is notorious for these kinds of invasiveness with intent to entrap people making statements then used to demonize or destroy them for what ever reason. it’s just something that is done in this culture to a terrifying degree.
Some people can say anything. Some people cant say anything even in private conversation. You wouldn’t believe the blood curdling anti white racism i have heard spouted without censure, even when it creates ripples of social hatered.
But enough on this . . by even taking note of this im playing into it and giving it more power than it deserves.
Only to note that i watched O’Reilly last night. I rarely watch cable news any more, its been too traumatizing over the years . . and i note that he considers Sterling to have been found guilty in the court of public’s people like O’Reilly who created the so called ‘ court of public opinion’ as if it were a valid alternate ruling body. The court of public opinion does not exist as any kind of valid reality or truth. it can be manipulated . . and it is to an astonishing degree.The slang for that is
“whipped cream”. whipped into frenzy over this, over that . . .no one knows this better than myself. O’reilly has a lot to answer for in my case.
This is what i get for watching cable news . . .either MSNBC or FOX . carefully manufactured spin and propaganda.




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